Shadow of the Groundhog # 12: Insanity Plea


Ah well. Now I start to grok.

Whether it’s chasing the spiritual attainment of enlightenment or the material goal of establishment, what I am after is a feeling of having arrived. To reach the end of my seeking, striving, straining, waiting. Dreaming of a future point in which I will no longer be dreaming of a future point, but will have landed in the Now, forever.

Because of this double-horned obsession, every time I take stock of my situation, both inner and outer, I find it comes up short. Both I and my attainments can never measure up to this  projected future state of “arrival.”

Like the groundhog, I come out of my hole at regular intervals, see my shadow, and withdraw in despondence that Spring is not yet here. (OK, so the groundhog probably doesn’t get despondent about it, but no metaphor is perfect.)

What I grokked on my way in and out of the public sauna today was this: whether I see my shadow or not, it is not up to me, neither my fault nor my problem. If the Sun is low enough in the sky for my form to cast a shadow, then Spring is not here; that’s not my fault and it’s not my problem. All it means is it’s not Spring yet.

True, it would be nice to have such impeccable timing that this groundhog only came out of his hole at exactly the right time and had a smooth, celebratory transition from winter’s hibernation to spring-awakening. Nice, but not optimal.

Regarding this—a continuous feeling of faulty timing—my optimism, it seems at times, is close to a kind of insanity—or at least delusion-denial—one definition of which is to keep trying the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

So then I take the insanity plea. But it ain’t no sin, and the existence of the shadow, the absence of Spring, only signals that I am premature. It doesn’t mean I am doomed to eternal winter, as it sometimes feels.

8 thoughts on “Shadow of the Groundhog # 12: Insanity Plea

  1. 2058 … that’s the year to look forward to, for me, personally. That’s the end of seeking for me, if I make it there, gods’ willings. In 2058 I will no longer be dreaming of a future point. I basically have to live my whole life over again (for another 44 more years) to make it there. Just knowing this helps me to not dream of a now (a now anytime soon) when I will not be dreaming of a future point. In 2058 I will be 84 years old, and that is the year that I “will have landed in the Now, forever”. Don’t ask me how I know.

    If I don’t make that far into the “future” alive, then I can only suppose that I will most probably be reincarnated (if there is such a thing) in that year … 2058. My desire, though, is to make it to that very year at the ripe old age of 84 in this incarnation as ole’ purple oleo.

    My wish for all good people is for them to each know the year that they each “will have landed in the Now, forever”. It is a big relief, for me, to know exactly when such a time will be, even if I am less than half way there. It allows for me to ease up a bit on myself … on my perceived lack of “enlightenment” and on my contstant striving for constant perfect timing. In 2058 , an eternal perfect timing reigns, at least for me, whether I make it there alive in this incarnation or not. And somehow this continual contemplation of 2058 has allowed me to be in touch, in a way, with the 84 year old part of myself , who semi-regularly passes down wisdom nuggets to my 40 year old self. Or maybe I’m just receiving messages from a newborn baby who lives in a state of eternal perfect timing. It’s hard to say. Either way, there is a real freshness that comes through

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