Intelligent Limbs

bluealien

As can happen with these things, my Strieber-piece has turned into a much larger project than I anticipated. I mean large. So I’m deciding whether to post it here in installments or wait and publish the whole thing, or what.

As a stop-gap while I make my mind up, here’s something from my own alien archives, a description of dream I had back in 1993, mostly taken from an old dream journal. Some background: I had discovered Whitley Strieber’s Communion (via a tacky UFO magazine which I picked up on a whim) when I was living in Mexico, and (needless to say) been profoundly impacted by it. I was staying at a Buddhist commune in France, working for food and board, when I had my first full-blown dream of interacting with nonhuman beings. I was convinced it was less a dream than a memory, being processed through the filters of my unconscious mind. I remembered my childhood night sweats, fever dreams, and panic attacks, when I would wake up and run in terror from my bed; I wondered if they were connected with similar visitations in my past, experiences which I had blanked from memory. I would question this interpretation today, but it’s perhaps best to just let the dream speak for itself for now, as an example of my long-time affinity for Strieber’s “visitor” experience.

As the dream-memory began, I was in a large group of young people, perhaps school children and we were waiting to go under the ground. We were in “the firm and relentless hands of government” (here and elsewhere I am quoting from my original journal account) and very few of us knew what was about to happen. I seemed to know more than most, but even I had little idea of what to expect. There was something about “watches”—possibly  we were asked to remove them. Then we were ordered, compelled, to be enclosed in a dark space for a period of hours, by way of preparation, perhaps as a kind of quarantine or acclimatization process. I was aware, already, that we were going to encounter the unknown, and that it might involve other life forms. There followed then our delivery into the underworld, by what means was unclear, but at the end of which we arrived at a well-lit complex which I knew was under the ground. All I could remember of this area was a sort of bar or buffet, a counter with seating that seems to go round in a circle. There were some receiver-transmitter things, like TV sets, mounted well above our heads, at regular intervals. It was like a salon, a secret bar, or a waiting room, and from here, presently, we were moved on to another place. This second space was curiously insulated: no air seemed to get in there, yet we were breathing.

We were amidst the other beings. The one thing I couldn’t remember was the actual contact with these mysterious figures, only that, little by little, we realized where we were, and what was happening. The experience was incredible beyond belief, strange beyond my wildest imaginings, terrifying with an intensity I would not have dreamed possible. No words could do it justice. Yet at no time were we in any danger, of harm or even of physical-mental abuse. So far as I remembered the dream, we were not subjected to any of the “ordinary” abduction procedures, but might have been due to gaps in my recall. The only thing I clearly remembered of this part of the dream was a small black child, being the very first amongst us to see one of them, turning to me and saying, “Jesus!” I looked at what he was seeing and said the same. This one word—“Jesus”—seemed to sum up all the vastness of the new world before us, all of the horror, wonder, and awe that possessed me and annihilated all that was left of my reason, on seeing this incredible, unacceptable sight.

The beings were blue. There was something about their eyes, not black, but somehow hollow, like I could see right through them. The beings themselves, their skin or their form, seemed to be fluid, not like ordinary solid matter but more alive, more livid. Yet the beings were partly human, I knew this instinctively. I also knew that this was a memory of the past, or was almost sure of it; because, if it were only a dream, there would be no reason for the intensities of my emotions. Yet I brought to it my present level of awareness, including knowledge of other people’s accounts of similar experiences, so I was curious as to just what these beings were. They seemed to be neither like the “grays” nor like the “kobalts,” but rather somewhere in between.

At one point, I said to someone: “They’re a hybrid?” A military figure, old, immensely dignified, and known to me, he affirmed my question curtly, without explanation. I was aware that we were being kept from interfacing with the higher order of beings (I referred to them as the “thin ones” in my original account) by this human, military presence—not for our (or their) protection, but to keep us from the truth and to deny us the uplifting and illuminating soul experience of contact with the “pure breed.” I was in no position to lament this, however. The most prominent feeling in the dream was one of wonder, face to face with this incredible life form, simply and wholly because I knew  that it was not human, and could find no way around this realization. My whole being, including physically, was shaken, in a kind of apocalypse of the soul. I felt my world being torn apart just to look at them. Yet at the same time, I was aware of somehow forgetting the experience even as I was having it. I somehow knew that my everyday reason would not allow me to carry the burden of this revelation, that even as it was being forced to acknowledge the reality of what it was seeing, it was busy denying its existence to itself, and that it would do so as continually and as thoroughly as it could, until no trace remained.

I was aware that the forgetting, which was inevitable, was less a result of deliberate maneuvers on their (human or alien agencies) part, and more the result of my own self-protective instincts. It seemed like it would even be a relief to forget, and that I would surrender the memory willingly if only the boundless terror go with it. Yet what I was so afraid of was hard to explain. Then I blacked out. There was a hole in the plot, a hole so large as to render the plot itself incoherent. I couldn’t remember the interface, or even if there was one, nor the exact form or features of the beings. Nor did I recall the return to the surface, if we were indeed under the earth.

One thing I remembered clearly was the phrase INTELLIGENT LIMBS, a phrase that occurred and recurred throughout the experience. The concept was of an intelligence that spreads out and takes hold from many (maybe infinite) different points at once, like the roots of a tree, while remaining at the same time hidden, hence protected. I interpreted this as a description of the hive-like activities of the “visitors.” Each one of them moves about as a limb, neither separate nor independent, because guided by the intelligence of the head. Yet at the same time they were expendable, because when you cut off a limb, another would immediately take its place. Like the heads of the Hydra, the beings were  mere extensions of a central force, or “head,” and should the “limb” be injured or captured, the intelligence could simply be withdrawn and redirected, leaving only an empty and useless shell, or possibly not even that.

After this, the dream descended into nightmare. I was in a car and the light went out. I was waiting for someone or something when an eerie sound began to engulf me. I was afraid, confused. I climbed out of the car to try to ascertain what the sound was, and only then realized that it was coming from inside the car. I climbed back inside and realized that it was the radio, which had been turned off before. It was tuned to no particular station, emitting a sort of high insistent hum or whine, with an underlying buzz or crackle that could easily be mistaken for distant voices. I had candles on the dashboard, like an altar, and they burned down in a matter of seconds. Something was not right. An unknown influence was acting, changing all the laws of physics and of nature.

Suddenly I was paralyzed. I felt as though contained in a powerful field of energy, one that caused both an internal tension and an external paralysis in me. It was like I was exploding, but contained, with no way to let it out. There was a sound in my ears like a plane crashing and taking off at once: the high ascending roar/whine which I had by then come to associate with astral projection. I was in my bed now, I realized, as well as inside the car, yet the new awareness brought no relief. I was mortally afraid, because I had already come to associate the paralysis with them. I felt their presence all around me and yet I was helpless to act: all I could do to protect myself was to keep my eyes closed. The feeling was hideous, unbearable. How could I have ever wished for this? No one could endure such an encounter, these beings were inhuman. The mere fact of their existence filled me with a horror that bordered on nausea.

It occurred to me that the force that trapped me and seemed to crush me and to tear me apart at the same time was the force of my own fear. I lay in my bed, curled up in abject fear, the only thing between me and the vast unknowable darkness that wanted to devour me being the thin layer of bedding which I had wrapped around me and covered my head with. Even as I did so, I knew it was hopeless, but the alternative—to draw back the covers and gaze into that abyss that was gazing at me—was unthinkable. This happened again and again, while in the dream, it was as if nothing changed. I was in the car, waiting for their arrival, for disaster, and I continued returning to my bed and going through the same sensations, the same terror. By this time I didn’t even know if I was awake or asleep, whether the beings were present or if they were about to arrive. And the moment I started to doubt it and they began to recede, I began to call them back. As soon as they responded, and I knew it was real again, once again I would have done anything, anything, to escape them. It was as if my desire was too terrible for me to endure it.

Finally, after countless repetitions of this process, the dream was released, all the way into nightmare. I climbed out of the car and went down towards the forest, knowing I would encounter them but compelled to go, as if by an external force. I saw a patch of red ahead of me, a small figure in the darkness. They were not human: they were waiting for me. Then, as I looked at them, they faded away. “Ordinary” people took their place, several of them around a sort of table in the forest. I was laid down on the table to be treated. For some inexplicable reason, I trusted these “people.” I kept looking at the one in charge, the doctor. There was something about him: he was disturbingly real, nothing like dream faces that change and blend myriad features together. His face was fixe, I could see it clearly when I woke. He was fleshy round the neck, with fat cheeks, sweaty, slightly unshaven, with curly dark hair that receded extremely, bald on top. He was wearing thick lens spectacles with a dark plastic rim. As I lay there, he leaned forward and inserted a large needle into the back of my neck. I knew that the treatment was not for any disorder but more for immunity, some kind of acclimatization. As I lay there I began to realize that the whole purpose of my trip underground was just this: acclimatization, to get us used to these beings.

The other people held me down, even though I wasn’t struggling. The doctor injected me again in the same place. I grew slightly afraid and began to want to get away. The doctor told me then that he would need to inject me many, many times. I think he may even have said “thousands” of times! I cried out, “Not tonight!” He shook his head, “No, no,” and I experienced relief. Something changed then in my point-of-view, and I began to grow suspicious of these “people.” They weren’t quite right, there was something about them.

A scene ensued then: Two of the “people” (all of them are wearing bright anoraks and track-suit type clothing), were struggling with a child who was refusing to go with them. They were supposed to be the boy’s parents, but he sensed that something was wrong. The father grabbed the boy and slapped him. He said, “Fran! Be a good girl Fran!” The boy shouted out in horror, “I’m not a girl! I’m a boy!”

It was obvious now: the cat was out the bag. The “people” were not his parents at all—they didn’t even know what sex he was! They were some kind of synthetic beings, robots. The “father” slapped the child over and over again, then dragged him towards a house. I watched in impotent horror. I was beginning to suspect malevolence on the part of these beings, where I had so fervently prayed for benevolence. There was a big ditch in the middle of the field, full of real people. I prayed that they were sleeping and not dead. At that moment one of the robots who was holding me earlier—and who also has very distinct features—staggered over to the ditch and keeled over. Another robot, an exact replica, stepped out to replace him. I realized then that these “robots,” whatever they were, had a very limited life span and were for temporary use only. The “visitors” used them to get the situation arranged, according to their needs, then stepped in without encountering any trouble or resistance. I was trapped in a plot I could never hope to understand. The presence of alien robots on the march. They looked like humans and had been among us for a long time, but they had received a new program and were soon to begin the executions. They killed with a single shot between the eyes. At times, they even killed on a whim, being licensed (or programmed) to do so, and this was the only sign they gave of spontaneous action. The only single human emotion they seemed to have picked up on was that of sadism!

For half the dream, I was even identifying with one of these killing machines.

I understood in the dream that this was all “some kind of ‘clean up’ deal.” Since I was deeply ensconced in UFO and conspiracy literature at the time, it wasn’t hard to find corroborative evidence to support my wild nightmare scenario and persuade me that it was based in a hidden reality. For example, William Cooper, in Behold a Pale Horse (a book I read that same year) stated that “1 in 40 humans had been implanted with devices, the purpose of which I have never discovered. The Government believes that the aliens are building an army of implanted humans, who can be activated and turned upon us at will.”

There was another sort of corroboration also: when I awoke from this experience, I recalled an earlier dream I had had, if dream was what it was. Just before waking, still in darkness, I had felt, actually physically felt (and without dreaming any corresponding dream to account for the sensation), a needle entering into the back of my neck and liquid flowing out of it into my body.

As I recalled this, I felt deeply afraid. I felt like a pawn in the hands of something I did not even know existed; or rather, something I could not admit existed. My reason screamed that it was impossible, but my heart knew too well what was true.

[Postscript: the larger piece mentioned above is now being serialized at http://crucialfictions.com/ For larger context to this dream, see chap 2: An Archetypal Traumatogenic Agency ]

 

28 thoughts on “Intelligent Limbs

  1. Jasun that underground experience reminded me of your old Crow website which was pretty cool. I enjoyed this article and appreciate your willingness to talk about this stuff setting you up for ridicule. I’d personally like to see your writings as soon as you’re done them. Maybe some of the readers feedback here can help you polish the piece off better in the end.

    The TV screens reminded me of a military abductee who was used for remote viewing. She remembered sitting in front of a screen with very fast scrolling text which amounts to unconscious, subliminal manipulation like Derren Brown’s tricks=mind control (not saying that’s your case though it’s just an example).

    I have a memory of being underground at a military base. There was a uniformed woman with big guns and slit pupils. I was sure she was a reptilian human hybrid.

    I also remember being injected with needles. Men and ‘monkey-men’ were in my home and injected me with a needle. I threw some weapons to my room mates to help me fight them off but they were knocked out cold as if they were hypnotized and couldn’t hear my screams. Then I blacked out until another needle was inserted into my head. An intuitive, knowing voice told me instantly that they were inserting memories. I’ve also suffered a lot of nightmares with strange beings in my room while I’m paralyzed in my bed. I try to scream to wake up the whole house but I can’t. This happened a lot. As well as strange noises, lights and marks.

    The big hair-line guy you talked about reminds me of Corrado’s research regarding the ‘widow’s peak’ ET.

    A lot of the grey types are synthetic; biological robots. Usually grown from human and animal parts (as well as nourished by bathing in them) they act as avatars for remote controllers like reptilians who have trouble affording the energy required to fully manifest in our density/dimension. Like amphibious beings who can enter in and out of different realms or dimensions. That’s why they are so cruel. It really bugs me when I see people interpret them as innocent or evolved magical beings and such. My room mate saw a tall one standing in my room staring at me as I laid in bed. His (room mate’s) face was ghost-white and he drew a picture of what he saw. He said he thought he was going to die from this evil monster, but then it phased out and disappeared. They have evil vibes because they are often controlled by evil beings.

    A lot of the abductors have extraordinarily advanced technology and commonly perform mind control and mess with people’s minds. You’re not supposed to remember anything but with some people the veil breaks open a bit. With mind control, screen memories and posthypnotic-programming that is performed on abductees, it’s likely you’ll get little substantial evidence and more often than not doubt your suspicions (it’s a lot easier that way). A lot of the times all you get is fragmented memories in dreams and strange occurrences, pieces of the puzzle you struggle to figure out.

    In fact, a lot of irrational psychic disorders like depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia, detachment and stress problems is like PTSD caused by unconscious, buried memories of horrific abductions-it’s more than simple birth trauma and pains of growing up and is more common than most think.

    You would be a high priority target for ET or human groups who have an agenda to keep the consciousness level of humanity down. (apologies if I sound threatening or am being a terrible fear-mongerer). They scout people who have potential for waking people up, especially those old souls who have a sincere desire for truth and spiritual enlightenment. They are especially targeted because they are a threat to exposing the whole scheme.

    The most lucid and conscious abductee I know of is Fore. He was trained in various advanced psychic techniques and skills and had conscious interaction with many ET. One of the common mind control programs they put into people, according to him, is an obsessive drive to know themselves, to search in circles looking within themselves with the ET hoping they never escape the psychological loops. People obssessively observe their inner processes looking for truth and guidance (which is normal and healthy until it becomes an addiction and has negative affects on your life) while the ET mess with the person’s internals to steer their thinking along a certain point. Fore goes into detail on the procedures of psychic manipulation. That particular bit there ^^^ reminded me of you.

    Unconscious abduction traumas also cause one to have a peculiar fondness for alien material because of their experiences.

    I’ve woken up with very strange marks so I’m not a hard-sell on this stuff. If anyone wants to check out some of my strange paranormal experiences then check out the out post forum dot com and go to ‘encounters’ and you’ll see my ‘suspicious’ thread. For an easier read click ‘settings’ and set page or post view to 40 instead of just 10.

    Jasun I remember you saying once something that always stuck in my head: ‘The heart knows, the mind doubts’. I’m curious to see where your thinking develops along these lines. What gold will we find?

    • >Jasun that underground experience reminded me of your old Crow website which was pretty cool.

      Have you really followed my stuff that long? If so you have really seen a massive change – ironically, this post seems much more in line with my POV back in the 90s. That’s the last time I made this dream public, 15 years or more ago.

      it’s more than simple birth trauma

      What makes you think birth trauma is “simple”?! : o That’s a crazily dismissive statement, dude!

      It really bugs me when I see people interpret them as innocent or evolved magical beings and such.

      From what I can see, what you’re doing is simply the inverse of that. Innocent, evil, magical, malign, it makes no sense to talk about humans that way, much less beings that we know almost nothing about (not even if they exist in the usual sense).

      I don’t regard any of this material as suitable for discussing as if were a literal truth – not because there isn’t any literal truth behind it (there may be, it’s too soon to say), but because I am 100% sure that, whatever’s being encountered here, it is all mixed up with our own projections and unconscious material, specifically early trauma that most likely has nothing at all to do with aliens or any of this glamorous and exciting otherworldly stuff.

      Believe it or not, it’s far more appealing, and safer, to imagine elaborate scenario in which we are being manipulated and exploited by military agencies and/or harvested by alien vampires than to look at what may have happened in our ordinary, everyday lives.

      I know some people think it’s “dismissive” to seek a psychological explanation for these experiences. In my opinion, the reverse is actually the case: to assume they have an objective reality independent of your own psychic trauma is to dismiss the most fundamental thing about us: our own individual psyches and the experiences that formed them. This is not done consciously, however, so I’m not telling anyone to force themselves to put down the “cosmic lens” and see what’s really there in their past, hiding behind the alien masks. I’m only stressing that this is what I am doing here at this blog, and that I’m not interested in alien taxonomies except in this larger, deeper context, that of the individual and collective psyche.

      There’s no danger of my be ridiculed for this dream because I am not suggesting that it is any more than a dream; at the same time, I am not downplaying the reality that informs dreams.

      That’s what my heart knows, but which my mind tricked me into ignoring for so many years – hence all the ‘crazy’ stuff which I have out out there, as part of the long, painful process of seeing through my own elaborate cover-stories.

      I hope it helps in some way.

  2. Your dream was, without a doubt, a powerful one for you to experience and is filled with so many dream symbols it would take hours to analyze in sort of Jungian way. (Lots of Plutonian imagery). But I will offer a couple observations. Firstly, there is a curious absence of females. Except for the confusion of the sex near the end, the impression I have is that there were no easily identifiable women. The male entities are emotionless yet give you a feeling of terror and malevolence. There are a couple references to a lack of air (“This second space was curiously insulated: no air seemed to get in there, yet we were breathing”). A sensation of strangulation in amniotic fluid? Your constant feeling of powerlessness is very strong. In your horoscope this is shown clearly (as discussed in previous posts), with a Pluto/Moon opposition. You also have a Neptune conjunct IC aspect. Neptune rules toxic substances, fluids, dreams (among many other things), which shows that your pre-birth environment was poisonous in some way.

    I looked at your transits in 1993 to see what might have been going on. I don’t know when you were at the monastery then, but if I use today’s date, April 1, Pluto was just starting to leave your natal Neptune (you had been going through that for over a year by then, and so had anyone of your generation). You may very well have been reliving birth trauma with the symbol language of dreams because you had no language at the time of the event.

    I was particularly struck by the image of candles on the dashboard burning down so fast. That’s an amazing image – symbolic and almost psychedelic. Candles could represent enlightenment, or searching for truth…dying out before you have a chance to “get” it.

    One other planetary note. On a whim I looked to see if there was an asteroid named Whitley, and sure enough, there is. It’s number is 4779, if you want to plug it in to Astrodienst software or your own. It is nearly conjunct your natal north node (destiny) and trines your Ascendant (your physical being). On March 24th of this year, it was exactly conjunct your MC (public persona). You must have been debating about going “public” with your ideas about Whitley. It seems to be a very fast moving body, so perhaps you should think on this more and not be quick to put forth ideas publicly.

    My hope is that you keep your more extensive writing private until you are able to formally publish. Your writing is so rare and real precisely because of your honesty and the openness with which you explore truth as you come to understand it. You need to protect it also:-)

    I have never experienced an alient encounter, nor have I known anyone who has. But, I agree that this dream can be true on two levels simultaneously – your dream is completely true to you and your experience of life AND it may be true of something that exists on another plane of being.

  3. namaste` debbie….i`ve been corresponding with jake off and on for 10 years and in your closing paragraph above about jake in my opinion you hit the nail on the head…….thus my musing…..to thine own self be true…….sorry jake if this sounds like stroking so be it derm

  4. “What makes you think birth trauma is “simple”?! : o That’s a crazily dismissive statement, dude!”

    Oops! Just replace ‘simple’ with the word ‘just’. That’s what I meant to say, ‘that it’s not JUST birth trauma that creates a lot of the mental problems in people.

  5. Thanks Derm, and Debbie for all the astro info and advice. I remember you mentioning that my North Node is conjunct WS’s Venus, so then that puts the Whitley comet in there next to WS’s Venus? I wonder if this relates to an insight I had yesterday about WS: that he has learned to use his mind, and hence his writing ability, as a weapon (Mars), and that this reflects my own defensive use of intellect. With this present work I’m slowly letting go of that defensive use of intellect to rpelace the weapon with “an open hand,” in such a way that, I hope (and while still destructive in the positive, Pluto sense – ie, tearing down falseness) will have a healing effect. (Venus rules healing, & my own being in Taurus relates to work and career.)

    The goal of writing this current work is to bring about healing-integration through awareness (starting with my own). This needs to be taken into account, so far as how/when (and even why) to make it public (a Taurean sort of question).

    Lyc: it may well be more than only birth trauma that imprints us; but there is really no way for us in our current state of consciousness to conceive of just how traumatic that first experience might have been. This is why I believe it’s possible, likely even, that we can conjure up (attract, as quasi-real experiences or even totally real ones) huge, cosmic and/or political/occult dramas in which we are both victims and players: as a way to let ourselves re-experience those early feelings and affects in a “safer” (more bearable) context – through reenactment of trauma, with a feeling of at least *some* control.

    The reason I have stressed putting down this cosmic lens is that, without an awareness of how we are complicit in our own re-enactments, instead of a healing of the trauma, what happens is re-traumatization, over and over (viz a viz WS).

  6. Yes birth trauma is definitely under rated. My favourite part of the Lucid View was your description of it.

    Circumcisionis a biggie that’s often overlooked. It linked to woman abuse and plenty of psycho-sexual problems. It also really messes with the healthy growth of the brain and hormonal interactions in sex. Uncircumcized men tend to be more loyal and sacrificial for their wives because they have this chemical form of love thanks to the hormones transmitted and received through the foreskin during sex. Uncircumcized men, it’s harder for them to stay loyal because of this and the woman go crazy because they don’t know what is going on but they sense something is wrong.

    And yes we have to watch out for our baggage and our projections colouring our dreams and ideas about what is real. You could very well heal birth and abduction traumas and mental illnesses without even analyzing those things I think, but just by dealing with what pops up in your daily life and working your way through it.

    Though I’m pretty convinced that you have had abduction experiences due to the content of your dreams as well as your fascination with alien stories. For me it’s like, ok, I could be just fantasizing out of some unconscious need. But how do you explain this one little thing, without even taking into account the wealth of others’ experiences and other things in my life.

    I woke up with a circle and 2 symmetrical squares on my left leg. You could only see them under a blacklight (which I randomly found on the street) and the mark was under the skin. It was yellow-green, fluorescent. It was UNDER the skin, you could not wash it off unless you scraped the skin off I’m guessing. No hiliters in the house and the shapes were perfectly symmetrical. My roommate even had fluorescence on his arm, like a spilt liquid. Many abductees find fluorescent marks and they fade within a few days. It appears to be a liquid in some cases that look like spill marks. The mark on my leg could be like a ‘plug’ mark, like a wall outlet. So things like that is why I believe there’s more to abduction experiences than fantasy and it explains a hell of a lot imo.

  7. I should make it very clear at this point then: I am in no way suggesting that abduction experiences are merely mental fantasies created as a screen through which to revisit past experiences. There is abundant evidence that something “objectively real” (so far as we can talk about such a thing) is happening and by the nature of the evidence it clearly involves some sort of agenda that is both hidden and “advanced” – ie, entails either technological or natural means beyond our mainstream understanding of what is possible.

    What I am saying is that these experiences are echoing – feeding into and potentially exploiting and exasperating – original traumas that may be independent of these hidden forces, and therefore much closer to home and easier to identify.

    I would also say it’s a mistake to assume a non-human agency until absolutely necessary.

    The desire to prove that these experiences are REAL is a dead-end that leads only to undirected obsession, IMO.

    As the man says, “What is real?”

    If the psyche is real, then whatever it experiences is real too. Seeking validation from outside is not part of the solution, but part of the problem. And not a small part, either.

  8. >Have you really followed my stuff that long?

    Forgot to answer that. I found that site through your old fb page. It was very creative, full of awe, mystery and wonder.

    > There is abundant evidence that something “objectively real” (so far as we can talk about such a thing) is happening and by the nature of the evidence it clearly involves some sort of agenda that is both hidden and “advanced” – ie, entails either technological or natural means beyond our mainstream understanding of what is possible.

    I tend to think so. I try not to focus on proving what I think is reality, but on testing my beliefs and trying to understand the bigger picture that makes sense to me and fits the evidence to try and find the truth and apply yourself to your understanding. And if you are wrong, admit it and then move on.

    >What I am saying is that these experiences are echoing – feeding into and potentially exploiting and exasperating – original traumas that may be independent of these hidden forces, and therefore much closer to home and easier to identify.

    That’s an important point. Some abductees find abductions lessen in intensity and frequency the more they heal themselves and live a more spiritual or religious life. I think trauma damages your etheric body and makes it easier for otherwordly beings to attach or interact with you. Some research also suggests that your level of spiritual development and connection with your spirit/oversoul/higher self/god affects how much protection you have and how much certain people/entities can do to you.

    I think these scary beings prostitute karmic lessons for energy, genetic material and ability to influence you. Some researchers say that unhealed trauma in the psyche is used as a hook to connect with you.

    >If the psyche is real, then whatever it experiences is real too.

    Sometimes dreams and daydreaming seems more real than the physical world. Sometimes you wish it was, sometimes you wish it wasn’t! Regardless, some memories that I think of as dreams affect your life significantly.

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  11. “I think these scary beings prostitute karmic lessons for energy, genetic material and ability to influence you. Some researchers say that unhealed trauma in the psyche is used as a hook to connect with you.” – lycaeus

    I think Lycaeus’s ideas are interesting.

    Possible scenario: The beings get in contact with the part of ourselves that never sleeps, the higher self, reptillian brain or whatever and say to it “Ok, we can see your karmic obligations mean you’re going to experience some unavoidably harsh events in the near future. What we’ll offer is this; we’ll feed you knowledge that will help you make sense of these events and to avoid these types of situation in the future, in exchange we’ll experience the emotional energy you produce. Deal?”

  12. Attributing sentience and being-ness to psychological processes is itself a symptom (or even a result) of psychic fragmentation, ironically. Whether the beings cause the fragmentation or the fragmentation gives birth to the beings may be an impossible question to answer, finally (at least until we attain wholeness, at which time i suspect it will be irrelevant).

    But focusing on the REAL existence of external beings does seem to be a way to compound the fragmentation and prevent integration – at least so far as we project onto those being-complexes our trauma and turn them into “good” or “bad” “aliens,” etc, etc.

  13. Are you familiar with James Carman? http://jamescarman.net/

    While making his movie he told me that he had all of these memories of being in a group of kids who would remote view for the military. He grew up on a military base. Some of his “memories” are gruesome. He asked his parents (and I believe siblings) about it but they had no clue what he was talking about and thought he might be nuts. He, too (to his credit), isn’t sure they’re wrong. So, his craptastic journey–which is bogged down by the fecality of such luminaries and David Jacobs and Bashar–has been about trying to figure this out. Does he have memories or an elaborate fantasy?

    And he’s not the only one I’ve heard of with this affliction. Wonder what that’s about.

  14. I wasn’t, thanks for the link, JV.

    Part of what I’m exploring with POI is that memory and elaborate fantasy (or at least “phantasy,” in the sense Freud used it) aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

    All of us who’ve gone deep enough into the UFO experience end up admitting that it’s not an either/or but a both/and thing, which is why there are no easy answers to the riddle (and I am pretty sure no 100% logical ones).

    Recognizing the power of the psyche to generate life-saving phantasies that can then somehow evoke, externally, some kind of unknown consciousness and give it form is, for me, the closest I’ve got to an answer that covers all the facts and that, like a good answer should be maybe, is more mysterious and amazing than the question.

    It’s kind of infuriating that the common response to this scenario is to flatten it out into, “it’s all in the head,” but it’s probably an inevitable side-effect of how little most people really understand psychology, and how little *any* of us understand the psyche.

    For me, the above experience may or may not reflect some external reality – one which either I encountered physically and suppressed, I encountered “remotely” in some non-physical form, or that happened to others and I tuned into somehow (see how many-layered it gets?!). But what I *am* sure of is that, whatever the nature of such a non-consensus reality experience, it corresponds closely with some early traumatic experiences that are more ordinary and mundane, and that it has, to some extent, helped me deal with them.

    While it’s not possible to follow the trail of clues back to real-life military bases or hybrid agendas, it is possible to follow them back, into my own past and into my psyche. At certain point, I think the objective reality of the incident ceases to be all that relevant.

  15. The law of attraction and manifestation is very interesting. I try to maintain a positive vibe because negativity starts a recurring negative feedback and attracts more strangeness (of the bad kind).

    However I don’t think all these abduction stories are all fantasy, or simply dealing with supernatural beings. It’s important to take these stories seriously.

    A couple days ago me and my room mate were abducted. 3-4 hours of missing time, and we were high even though we hadn’t drank alcohol or done drugs at all, should have been stone-cold sober. Our pupils were huge, felt like ecstasy and magic mushrooms. We could telepathically read eachother’s thoughts, so psychic abilities were enhanced either due to being in the presence or a psychic (maybe ET) but more likely being drugged.

    He got a triangular mark with 3 points identical to what I’ve had in the past. The next day we were hungover as if we partied hard. No motivation and severe PTSD symptoms. Apparently military is worse than ET. I think military mainly because of the black SUV parked outside our house at 3am. He turned on his interior lights (normal looking chap) stared at us at the window (wasn’t looking for something in the vehicle) then turned the lights off and drove away.

    We also had very real bodily fear, bad vibes and a knowingness that something bad had happened. Very unusual. The intuitive knowledge is overwhelming, but the cognitive memories are blank. It’s quite real and it’s not all supernatural beings. Good thing my job interview wasn’t for a couple days after because she surely would have wrote me off as a druggie, as whatever drugs were put into my system were still active the next day. Our pupils were still huge, it wasn’t a natural form of heightened awareness and I wasn’t detoxing drugs as I haven’t had anything more than a puff of weed 6 months agos, maybe 2 puffs in the past 10 months.

  16. !

    This happens to you often?

    I don’t doubt the involvement of military or intell. in such experiences.

    What do you mean by supernatural beings?

    You’ve heard AC Clarke’s famous remark about technology being indistinguishable from magic?

    The sort of ETs reported by many abductees behave like supernatural beings, and like SNBs have behaved throughout folklore, so why would you want to make a distinction between them and an ET?

    It’s just an updated interpretation for an age-old dilemma – and it’s one the human element seems keen to exploit and even to have co-created.

  17. Hey thanks for the concern, really 🙂

    It probably happens more often than I might fear. Oh well, I just focus on reaching my growth potential and not let it get me obsessed. ET work with military and often lie and pretend to be things greater than what they are, like a ‘greater spiritual being’ or something.

    I mention that these beings are very real and tangible because there is a lot of talk of them being ‘beyond good and evil’ (they are not in our relation to them). As if ETs were above the rules. A lot of people mistake hostile, manipulative encounters as something stupid like an encounter with an ascended spirit, friendly ‘space brother’ or psychological fantasies and the people suffering everyday with PTSD because of these guys are ridiculed and alienated.

    So I’m just trying to level the playing field with my own beliefs by pointing out human military assholes are involved, as well as manipulative ET who are very aware of the negative consequences they bring us. They lie and screw with your mind to go unnoticed. They have advanced psychic abilities which is actually proven if you do the research and investigate Fore’s writings especially. This is why they program the mass mind to ridicule the subject of abductions and negative aliens (supernatural stuff in general) so the truth doesn’t get out. They probably love strong writers who make a strong case for presenting this phenomenon as a lot of delusional fantasy.

    In the end nothing is REALLY ‘supernatural’ just above or below our expectations.

    Yes, I really like that A.Clarke quote, i use it here and there 🙂 The technology used by human and ET black ops groups is beyond our imagination. It can make them seem ‘supernatural’ if they have interdimensional technology, but it’s just technology and things like advanced psychic skills they use. We have that potential, but our DNA was programmed to be retarded basically.

    I really believe in developing our intuition, connection to god and spiritual growth to combat what we’re up against.

  18. I think you are trying to own the reality of your experiences, and you have to do that any way you can.

    However, IMO belief isn’t the way to do that. It’s the way NOT to do that, and to let others define it for you.

    Where do your beliefs come from? Don’t beliefs always come from the outside. If not, where?

    Belief in ETs comes from two places, from human staging of events and creating fictionalized narratives. And from the beings, whatever they are, themselves.

    No one can say with any certainty what’s going on. Ironically, the only ones who are trying to claim they know are the hard and fast debunkers who say it’s all bunk, those who say it’s all a govt psy-op, and the true believers who say “the ETs are real.”

    So the debunkers have way more in common with the believers than with those of us allowing the question to remain open.

    The nature of this is that we *can’t* know what it is, not even when we experience it (in a way, *especially* not when we experience it, tho we can start to know the experience itself).

    My advice to you would be to seek some kind of therapy – the real kind, not psychiatry and meds, and not from a UFO researcher! I don’t say this because I think you are imagining things, but because by its nature this phenomena is deranging. Adopting hard and fast beliefs about it may be a temporary a defense against derangement, but, potentially, it leads to a fully giving over to it.

    You keep returning to this site and to me even though I’m not saying what you want to hear and I probably never will. I understand the need for someone to validate your experiences but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. No one can do that, and if you let them, you will end up hating yourself (and them) for it.

    Look at me and Whitley! I am still extricating myself from the BS (belief system) which I adopted from him 20 yrs later!

    That’s what this Crucial Fictions project is really for: de-conditioning myself via writing.

    I’m not just saying the ET line is BS, Brad. I’m saying it’s ALL BS except for whatever microscopic thread of truth we can follow to our core and say, THIS is real. This is what I know.

    • Yes I think I am a bit compulsive when it comes the subject, trying to get others to believe me so I can feel that I understand what is going on. I’m trying to grow out of that now. It’s that loneliness feeling that you want to make disappear, but can’t, because others haven’t the same experiences. People will believe what they choose, and we all have different experiences that bias our own knowledge and understanding. I think the reason I return to this site is to look at a different perspective and check out different concepts and ideas instead of reinforcing the same beliefs with the same kinds of forums, blogs, websites, books, people, etc.

      Yes, no belief is true. I don’t really know what’s going on, but I can relate my own weird experiences to others, check out the huge catalogue of research and make educated conclusions on what is most likely the reality. I mean, I don’t want to stumble through life in a spaced-out daze unsure and confused about everything, you have to make logical decisions and conclusions I know for a fact that intelligent beings with supernatural abilities and/or technologies are out there, and they do things to people and mess with people in various ways. Learning about metaphysics, occultism, aliens, spirits, spirituality and analyzing it makes more sense of the world than the mainstream. I can’t think of a better explanation to explain these things and my conclusions are supported by a lot of good research.

      What’s most important is living your life consciously, growing and being a good person.

      Yeah therapy might help, but it might not. I mean, they’ll probably lock me up and put me on drugs if I start telling them marks are appearing on me, I’m seeing strange beings and people are abducting me. They’ll call me a delusional schizophrenic and I’m sure most therapists aren’t familiar with any of the suppressed alien/abduction/occult research and knowledge. I could just stick to talking about normal down-to-earth relationship and childhood things, but that’s only part of the equation and you have to look at the anomalous experiences as well to get a whole picture to diagnose and properly heal. I mean seriously, if I tell them that I don’t remember where I was for the past 6 hours that disappeared and that someone injected drugs into me, they’re going to laugh at me like a helpless baby animal and probably drug me or lock me up. I don’t think I could even be really honest with a normal licensed therapist. They’ll think I’m not in control of myself and possibly addicted to drugs and some kind of danger. I’d bet there’s a fair number of people even at this weird blog who think I’m delusional. I would go for therapy if doctors weren’t so infamous for locking people up and drugging them.

      I’ll be fine though, I’m pretty good at taking of myself.

  19. Oh, if you mean alternative therapies, yeah I’m already into those. Nutrition, exercise, emotional clearing, building good relationships, playing guitar, singing, sober contemplation and self-examination, composing, writing, having fun, being creative, reading, meditating occasionally, health, prayer, I do all that stuff. Then things go well for a while and something strange happens…

  20. I did mean the other kind but I hear you on that, especially if you are in the US. There are both ethical and open-minded therapists out there and they wouldn’t be affiliated with Big Pharma (pyschologists can’t prescribe meds, SFAIK). One thing you could try is Art Therapy in group: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_therapy Much cheaper and can be more satisfying as there’s a lot of interaction. And while people may not have had similar experiences to yours, that doesn’t mean they won;t have their own experience of being marginalized.

    One thing that may be a common misunderstanding is that people en masse ridicule the sort of experience you have had. Some people do, but even there it’s largely a defense (people ridicule homosexuals too, that doesn’t mean they really think they’re insane, they just don’t want to deal with it).

    But all intelligent and sensitive people are aware that there’s more to reality than meets the eye, and that each of us have our own unique experiences of it.

  21. Thx for the suggestions. I prefer music to visual art, but maybe I’ll do some of that. Good to know psychologists can’t prescribe meds.. I might join a group of some sort, maybe a therapist if I know I’m safe. I’m in Canada so it might be better than the U.S.. I’m actually curious to see how people will take my story. To come out of the gay closet, recovering from abusive relationships and addictions is much more normal and understandable. I really wonder what they’d think and say to me. What would be my diagnosis? It might be fun to have someone sit there for a while and listen to everything you say without judgment. Could they call me schizophrenic if other people testify to seeing and experiencing the same things at my house? We’ll see, it might be fun just knowing they’re not allowed to laugh at you and are forced to take you seriously even though I bet most (not all) professional therapists probably think all the alien ideas are crazy.

  22. I am almost done with Kalsched’s new book, so I have been thinking a lot about the psycho-spiritual aspects of trauma. (And at the same time reading POI!). And I have a thought about Intelligent Limbs, which is a phrase that *really* sticks in my mind for some reason. Bear with me a moment with this…what if you compare this segment of the dream to the myth of Isis. I think this because…if trauma fragments the psyche, it strongly is reminiscent of Isis wandering the earth in search of the dismembered limbs (and body parts) of her lover/brother (after his death/trauma). Her job as goddess is to find the parts, put them together, bring him to life and create new life through her magic and her love. Fragmentation of psyche and fragmentation of limbs, are not so different, especially in dream metaphor. Your task in soul-making, in retrieving your lost parts, is to find them, and put them together in a life-giving form that you recognize (and the goddess recognizes) as your soul. The “intelligence” may be your sheer intellect, or maybe…spiritual guidance along with intellect.

    Isis was the daughter of earth and night…and you did feel as if you were underground when you received the message. I think that you have very much gone a long way in providing a “witness” to your-self…through this action of creativity in writing POI, and Kalsched (and other trauma writers) do say that a witness is vital. Someone who can validate your experience. It is a dual biography (in a way for Strieber) and autobiography of yourself.

    I’m sorry for the goddess bent, but I have been researching a bit on the role of the asteroid Isis in my own chart and starting thinking how her myth is incredibly useful in understanding trauma.

  23. Yes that all fits together (!) and strange how the Osiris myth is echoed, in a distorted or negative form, by the modern Frankenstein one – maybe an example of what happens when the intellect is employed without the guiding intelligence of the psyche-soul?

    Without that witness there can be no consciousness, only unconscious patterns acting as if conscious – like a monster with a criminal’s brain (the id).

  24. omg…I never thought how Frankenstein echoes Osiris in a modern myth. You *absolutely* right about that! And..a woman wrote the story…witnessed how his body was put together…

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